I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
