i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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