big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
