Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
