At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
