the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have aggressive nipples.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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