We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
