oh god the rape fog is back!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
