official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
