There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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