Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
