I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize