Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
