I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize