I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
