you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
