My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
