Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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