I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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