True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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