Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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