Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
