Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
