what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
