I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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