Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
