C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
