I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
