He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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