for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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