Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
