giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
