On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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