I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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