is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The power of my boobs compel you
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