Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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