worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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