I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize