I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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