We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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