Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
