wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize