Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
