so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
