I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
