So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
