So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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