okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
