To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
