ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
