I murdered the dance floor call the cops
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
