I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
