just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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