you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I did not marry a roomba.
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