i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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