Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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