Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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