im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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