I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
