shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
