Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
