i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
