do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
