just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you had me at cake vodka
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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