How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
