Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
