john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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