i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
