i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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