i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
