after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
