my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize