just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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