no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
