stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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