where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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