come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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