I hate your face
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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