I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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