Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
