I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
