I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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