failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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