3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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