i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
