let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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