Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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