Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
