Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
