There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
