omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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