k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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