worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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