So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
