so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
