I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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