I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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