Kiss
Puke
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
